Doctor WHOA
by Snorcackle
Summary: The TARDIS lands or, rather, crashes in Eric Forman's basement. Of all the people the Doctor has brought upon his ship, will Eric and his friends turn out to be the most difficult companions to deal with ever?
1. A Very Difficult Situation

**AN:** Just a little idea I came up with a few months ago. I finally just finished the whole thing up. Just a few really short chapters. Oh, and I don't own any of these characters.

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Everything that could possibly go wrong was going wrong.

There were flames in every direction, rooms were rearranging themselves, and there was nothing the Doctor could do about it. Sounds that he had yet to hear in his 1,130 years were coming from the console. The TARDIS was absolutely and completely out of control.

The Doctor ran to the library. Maybe this had happened before. Maybe, just maybe, if he was extremely lucky today, someone had written about it. Maybe that someone had been himself in his future time stream. The Doctor didn't particularly believe in luck, but, if anything could convince him, it would be this.

Today did not seem to be the day he would be convinced, though, for as he crossed the threshold of what he thought was the TARDIS library, he found himself surrounded by old articles of clothing.

"Right. Nothing's in the right place, which means the library could be anywhere. Which means I am entirely lost. Which is extremely bad. This is just extremely, very… AAGHH!" he screeched as a new flame erupted from a rack of old sweaters. "Damn. I liked that jumper."

He backed up out of the room, and ran down the hallway. His plan was to just keep running until he hit something familiar. He stumbled, and found himself being flung head-first into an archived control room. The TARDIS really was going insane if it was bringing this old thing back. He could remember great times spent in this control room, which may have explained why he had kept it around for his first few regenerations. It was plain, to be sure, but it seemed to be undamaged as of yet. It would do, even if it was a bit… disco.

The flames were quickly approaching. "What do I do, what do I do, what do I do?" he muttered, in part to himself, and in part as a serious question to the TARDIS. Suddenly, a lever, which he could have sworn was completely plain before, began to glow a subtle but distinct light. Without any second thoughts, he pulled it. At this point, what harm could it possibly do.

The noises stopped. The doors to the control room slammed shut. "So, I'm trapped in the control room. Fantastic."

It was remarkable, really, how much this looked like his old control room. It couldn't possibly be the same, couldn't be nearly as functional. Perhaps it could perform a few basic tricks for emergency control, but those were surely the limits. But it still looked so real, so… lifelike. He almost expected an old companion to walk in the old entrance. Funny, he could almost hear the doors opening…

"What the…?" A young man was suddenly standing in his control room. How was that possible?

Oops, thought the Doctor. Perhaps it wasn't so almost.


	2. Not the Brownies

This is normally the sort of thing Eric would chalk up to the brownies. But the brownies normally just made him sort of loopy. Complete, vivid hallucinations were entirely different, and he doubted that everyone else would see the same exact thing. And, duh. He hadn't even had brownies today.

So what was this?

It had just appeared in his basement, behind his couch. A big, blue box that read "POLICE CALL BOX" across the top. His dad was gonna flip when he saw that.

What scared him even more was that Donna and Fez saw it, too. Because, if they saw it, too, then it had to be real, right? So this was just weird.

None of them really wanted to check it out. Actually, Donna's exact words were "I'll go in there if you don't die first." Fez just looked confused. So that left Eric as the brave soul to find out what it was doing there. There was a small part of him afraid that he was going to step into a wormhole or something and end up in Canada. Actually, that small part was really more of a hope. But, honestly, a big blue box appearing from nowhere was weird enough. The chances of it getting any weirder than that were small.

He slowly walked up to it, trying to look brave and heroic to impress Donna. He slowly opened the door. It opened inward… that was weird. Sure, it was a big box, but it wasn't that big. Wouldn't it make more sense to open outward? Whatever.

He opened the door and stepped inside. "What the…"

His little hopeful fear was coming true. He definitely wasn't in Wisconsin anymore. He was in a large, white room, with a big hexagonal… thing in the middle. He didn't know exactly what to call it. It seemed so futuristic. And, standing next to the what's-it-called was a man in a torn tweed jacket and a singed bowtie.

"Oh," said the man. "Hello there."

"How… what…" stuttered Eric. "Is this… am I in Canada?"

"That depends. Were you in Canada outside?"

"Um, no. I was in Wisconsin."

"Ah. Then, in that case, no. You're still in Wisconsin."

"Oh." Eric had never been so confused in his life, which was impressive, since he spent so much of his life fairly dazed. He backed up, going back out of the doors the same way he had entered. He looked around. If the box really was in his house, then it was bigger on the inside. "Donna, I'm definitely still alive, I think. You know what, Fez can come on in, too. It's not like it could get any weirder than this."

"Right, 'cause all three of us are going to fit in that box. I don't want to be in a small space with _him_." Donna pointed to Fez.

"Hey! I don't mind," said Fez.

"Don't worry. It's a lot bigger on the inside than I think you give it credit for."

"Fine. I'll go in, but I'll be the judge of whether Fez can actually come." Donna rolled her eyes.

Fez sat in a bemused silence as he watched the goings-on. He would not have a problem being in a tight space with the two of them, no. Well, maybe make that just Donna. Well, maybe replace Donna with Jackie. Then it would be perfect.

But he didn't have much time to think about that, since Donna backed out of the box almost as soon as she walked in. She turned to him, eyes wide, and waved him over. Eh, he thought. It wasn't Jackie, but it would do.

He walked up to the doors himself, preparing himself for the time of his life. But, as he stepped inside, his face quickly fell as he realized the box wasn't nearly as cramped as he had imagined. And who did this other man think he was, jumping into his dreams like this? And what was he thinking with that tweed jacket?


	3. Oops

So there were three of them. Fantastic.

Before the Doctor even had time to figure out what was happening himself, he was being thrown questions left and right. "Where are we?" "Is this box bigger on the inside?" "A bowtie? Really?"

"We're still wherever you were outside. Yes, it's bigger on the inside. And, for your information, bowties are cool."

"But… how?" asked the first boy.

"Well, this box we're in, it's called a TARDIS, which stands for 'Time And Relative Dimension In Space'. Relatively speaking, this is much smaller than the outside world, but within the confines of the TARDIS, everything is bigger. The console room, the hallways, the library-"

"Wait, there's more than just this room? Isn't this enough?" asked the girl.

"Of course there's more than just this room! Well, there were… Well, there might still be. I don't know yet. I'm sort of trapped right now, don't really know what's going on beyond those-" he pointed to the doors that had slammed behind him after he had pulled the glowing lever "-doors over there, and I'm not sure that opening those doors would be the best idea at the moment. Last time I was over there, things got a little bit… heated."

"So, did we, like, shrink or something?"

"No, not at all, but if that will make you sleep better tonight, you're free to think so."

"What do all these buttons do?" asked the second boy, his hand atop the lever that the Doctor had pulled earlier.

"AH! Don't touch those! This TARDIS has just done an emergency landing and, until I can figure out how and why I'm here, I can't do anything that might make it move. On the other side of those doors is the control room that I have been using for the past couple of centuries, or, at least, I think it's on the other side of those doors. It should be. Either way, I haven't been in this particular control room in quite a long time. Some of the controls have been switched around a few times over the years. I can't remember which ones are different from my usual control room. I used this one long enough; you'd think I would remember. But I don't."

"Okay." The second boy moved his hand from the lever to his hip. "When did you decorate this place? 1965? It's 1978, brother, get with the program!"

"I'll have you know that this is going to be the height of fashion in about 2000 years!" This kid was really starting to get on his nerves. "Now, I think the more important question is, who are all of you, and what are you doing on my TARDIS?"

"Well," said the first boy, "I'm Eric, this is Donna-"

"Hey!" Donna waved.

"-and _this_ is Fez."

The second boy gave a toothy grin. "Ello!"

Eric continued. "We were just sitting in my basement, when all of a sudden, your… your… what did you call it?"

"TARDIS."

"Yeah, that, it just popped up behind my couch. So we thought we'd take a look. But, I mean, we could leave if, you know, you want us to."

"That would be absolutely fantastic, yes. Good-bye. Farewell. Ta-ta. Get out." To the Doctor's dismay, however, the girl –Donna? Was that her name? Lovely name, really –pulled Eric to the side, and whispered something in his ear. He looked perplexed, and the Doctor could sense what might happen next.

"Actually, I think we might stay for just a little bit," said Donna. Yep. He sensed correctly.

He could not even imagine the terror that was about to happen next as Donna walked nonchalantly over to the console and smashed her hand down on a button, causing the front doors to lock shut, the middle of the console to glow bright blue, and the doors to the rest of the TARDIS burst open once more.

"Oops."


	4. Common Sense

"What have you done?" screamed the man in the bowtie, as Donna backed away slowly. She pretended as though she had no idea what had made her do that, but the answer was obvious: for once in her life, she wanted something exciting. Pushing Kelso off of the water tower wasn't exciting. Sneaking out with the gang to get a little bit drunk wasn't exciting. But, mashing buttons on a spaceship, when absolutely anything could happen? Now _that_ was exciting.

It made her feel a little less guilty once she noticed that at least there weren't any flames on the other side of the doors. At least there wasn't any immediate danger. She had to admit, pushing random buttons on a spaceship she'd never been on before was a bit on the stupid side.

The man kept on screaming. "I thought I told you to get off my ship! Now, there's no telling where we'll end up. I don't think I even knew how to use half of these buttons, even when this _was_ my main control room!" Suddenly, he turned and faced Donna directly. "What did you say your name was again?"

"Donna Pinciotti."

"I had a very dear friend named Donna once who flew through the stars on this ship with me."

"Great name."

"She was absolutely brilliant."

"Glad to hear it."

"You, however, might be the most insufferably ignorant… imbecilic… THING ever to walk aboard." He scrambled around the center of the room in fury as he tried to set things straight.

"Ooh, ouch." Donna feigned a look of offense.

Meanwhile, in the midst of the confusion, Fez decided to sneak off and take a peek around the rest of this thing called a TARDIS. He didn't see any flames, so it couldn't be _that_ dangerous, could it?

As he walked down the hallway, he saw several doors which could only be described as tempting. A few hung open, some were scorched, and a great deal seemed sealed shut. He peered into an open one. Swimming pool. How could a swimming pool fit in Eric's basement? He looked into another one. Broom cupboard. That's boring enough.

He looked into one more. Inside sat an enormous blue blob with glowing orange eyes. Is that what aliens really looked like?

Fez allowed the little common sense he had to take hold, shut the door, and ran back towards his friends. Oh, boy, he thought. This is going to be interesting.


	5. Big Blue Blobs

Fez checked to make sure the blue blob alien hadn't followed him to the front before going back in to where Donna and the strange man were fighting.

"Yeah, well who are you to tell me what to do?" Donna was screaming.

"I'm the Doctor and this is _my_ TARDIS!" the man fumed. "I have saved your Earth countless times, and you have invaded my home and maybe even led all of us straight to death! I can tell you _exactly_ what to do!"

"Oh, really? Doctor of _what_? Doctor _who_?"

"Doctor of everything, Doctor nothing! I'm just the Doctor!"

"What kind of stupid name is that?"

"It's a brilliant name!"

They seemed to be having bigger problems, though, because, as Fez looked across the room, he could see that the doors he and his friends had first walked into were open once again, only it didn't look like Eric's basement outside. "Look!" he shouted, pointing.

All four heads were soon turned to look out the doors. Outside, it looked like a forest of palm trees. Through the trees, butterflies the size of flamingos flitted about while flamingos the size of butterflies scurried through the brush beneath. A faint orange mist surrounded the tree tops.

"Whoa."

Instinctively, Eric took a step towards the mystical woods outside. This isn't real, he kept telling himself. There is no way this could possibly be real. "This isn't real, right?"

"Of course it's real," the Doctor said, looking at Eric as if he were the dumbest creature ever to walk the Earth.

"Oh, yeah. Okay." Eric stepped back again.

Fez cleared his throat. "Just so you know, there's some sort of enormous blob thing somewhere back in that hallway."

The Doctor turned slowly to face Fez. "You went through those hallways at your own peril after I told you to get _out_?" His face was turning red. "You lot have caused all sorts of trouble today, and I am honestly considering throwing you out right here and now, on a planet whereupon I have no idea what will happen to you! Now, if any one of you touches _one more thing_, it's 'bye-bye' to the lot of you. Have fun with the rest of the universe."

"I think you're missing the point. Big blue alien blob. Just hanging around."

"I heard you the first time." The Doctor took a breath and tried to calm down. "I'm going to find it, and you lot had all better be standing in the exact same place when I get back." He dashed off into the hallway, only to reappear a few moments later. "Found it."

He shut the doors to the hallway behind him, leaning against them in exasperation. "I need to find a way to get that –and all of you, for that matter –off of this ship as soon as possible."


	6. A SpaceTime Conundrum

The Doctor had tried everything. Live bait, noise disruption, poking it with a stick, anything to get that thing off of his TARDIS. It looked as though it had been consuming bits of time energy in its wake. Perhaps it could be blamed for his beloved TARDIS crashing on him so unexpectedly.

It was Eric who came up with the idea, finally. "You say it's been eating bits of the… the… this spaceship thing-"

"TARDIS."

"Yeah. So, why not give it a little bit of that? You seem to have enough of it to me."

The Doctor looked at him like he had just crapped himself. "Do you know what some people would do to get their hands on _this_? This is a time machine, a space machine. It takes you anywhere and any when and all you have to do is push a button. Does leaving a little bit of it outside seem like a good idea to you?"

"Um, no, I guess not." Eric thought for a second. "But, if it _eats_ the piece, then no one else is really going to get at it, are they? Or, it doesn't even have to be a piece, does it? Just something really out of it's time zone. Someething really old that hasn't been made yet."

The Doctor stopped in his tracks. "You actually might be right. But we'd have to think of something _big_ to get him outside. Not just large. It would have to be impossibly big. Something like…" The Doctor paused before continuing. "Something like me."

The Doctor reached around, looking for anything in the TARDIS that was loose and disposable. He looked underneath the console, around the corners of the room, on the ceiling. He just needed to find _something_.

He ran into the hallway. The enormous alien was sort of sliding around, facing in another direction. The Doctor didn't have long to grab something. He found a small box. He opened it, seeing a small collection of otherwise unimportant artifacts from lots of different millennia. He held it high above his head. "Oi! You!"

The blob turned around.

"Lookie here! I'm bait!" The Doctor ran through the console room. "Out of my way!" He tore straight out into the palm tree forest. The blob was fast on his trail. He ran around, finally making sure that he stood between the blob and the TARDIS. The Doctor quickly dropped his little treasure chest and ran straight into the TARDIS once again, quickly shutting the doors behind him. He punched in some buttons, and the TARDIS lurched and groaned, signaling a take-off.

"Well, then." The Doctor took in a deep breath. "That was interesting."


	7. Going Back Home

As the TARDIS landed once again in Eric's basement, the Doctor found himself having a rare moment in which he could not wait for his young companions to leave. He had brought many young humans aboard before, but few had been so insolent. That Eric boy, though, hadn't been too bad, the Doctor thought, and he _could_ use some company.

"Go on, you lot. Shoo." The Doctor smirked as Donna and Fez walked out the door. He stopped Eric before he left, though.

"You. Stay a moment. What was your name again?"

"Eric Forman, sir."

"Nice name. I have a granddaughter whose last name is Foreman." He smiled. "You didn't seem too stupid. Up for exploring the universe?"

Eric stared in amazement. "That sounds a bit like, 'Hey, kids, I have candy. Hop in.' Only with a spaceship."

"Ah, but you _know_ I have candy… or, in this case, a spaceship. Are you coming or not."

Eric looked at the floor for a moment, seriously contemplating the decision. "You know, I don't really think all of that is for me. I've got people here, and, I'll be honest, this thing being bigger on the inside kinda creeps me out."

"Fair enough. Out with you, then!" The Doctor smiled as he shooed the last teenager off of his ship. He closed the doors and walked back to the center of the console once more, thinking of where to go next. Sometimes it could be nice just drifting, not being stuck in a place like Wisconsin or wherever those kids were from.

Sometimes, the Doctor thought, as nice as their adventure was, it was nice just being alone.


End file.
